Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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