Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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