I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
