Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
