Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
