Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
