Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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