...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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