Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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