on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
