I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
3 2 1 whiskey
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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