Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
