even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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