that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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