So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
