sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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