You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
