Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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