Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
