just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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