I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
