is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
