Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
