You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
