Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
