maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
