What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
