I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
