I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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