Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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