i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
