We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
