he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
