So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
