i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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