Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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