Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
