No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drake has all the answers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
