he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
