porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize