weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
birth control should be required to get into college
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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