I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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