Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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