i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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