i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
accomplished twins. life is a go
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
