Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
