Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
