It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
