sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
