I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
