It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
