How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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