And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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